I once travelled to a dark land full of elicit images, though thoughts were leading to a shallow end I found myself digging into a mind bursting imagery. I just wanted to dig, so as to rest my heavy heartfelt heart beat… It was beating too loud and fast, I just wanted to find a place to lay it down and retract to the peaceful sounds of nature. Birds singing songs to resume and reassure my soul and body that one day there will be light and I will gracefully listen to my calling and affirm life to be lived.
The American dream is an ideal that success is attainable, how you get there is your own struggle. It is a social reform and those who have attained it don’t have to be held captive by loud noises of societies who have not yet grasped at every chance of opportunity presented to them to prosper. And not everyone is centred on the idea of prosperity. Your social class might have made it possible for you to attain whatever that is, to prosper because you you have all the determination to realise your needs and hunger to live a life of choice and varied options. Obviously in this plight, if you fix yourself, it is attainable. And yes you have to be educated and acquire various skills so that when economic opportunities arise you are ready to start working hard. Thus with this being said, I really don’t think that “anyone can become anything” is a fiction. Most of the time we are complacent and lets not even talk about the lack of education, because clearly most of the people who have attained the American Dream at some point dropped out of school, some don’t have any tertiary qualifications. All I’m just saying is that everything is indeed possible, you need to wake up and show up!
As I type this, tears are just flowing down my face-I look like a happy person when you look at me, but it’s disappointment from a whole lot of things I have experienced that makes it easier for me to glow on the outside and carry on a strong demeanour. Sometimes I wish I could rip my internals just so I can actually see how emotionally destroyed I am.
I actually don’t recall when last I was fully myself, it’s a very blurry memory I have. I blame the people I have attracted in my life especially males. Sometimes I wish my dad had been present in my life, maybe I wouldn’t be repenting for his sins with every guy I encounter.
Every time I say I am done looking or done wasting my time on males, someone eventually finds a way to try change my sentiments and I am ever so allowing, I never see it it coming but they never really about my life-at least that’s one thing I can read when it comes to all these different types of energy. I guess sometimes we think the empty spaces in our hearts needs to be filled by someone, while all I could be doing is giving myself self love. I sear at times lonely gets more depressing and u find yourself accepting anything so u could fill that gap, but that only damages you because u still not happy.
I am tired of waiting to meet with the right guy who is patient enough, I am tired of being too emotional and waiting for someone to fill that gap for me when I feel a need for happiness. One thing I am learning is self love and appreciated my lonely moments because I don’t believe that a man is even capable of improving or changing my self worth, I can’t keep letting them validate my worth while I get lost in their selfish nature.
Temporary, misleading pleasures.
Guilty, unpredictable behaviours.
Unnecessary burdens to bear.
Beautiful things to admire,
but hard work and sweat to pay off.
Cushioned with temporary wants,
the best money can buy.
Simple needs unmet,
stretching a dollar to survive.
written by: Kimalee Jones
An ignition of hidden anecdotes, we only let it glow on paper…thus reveal a small part of ourselves. Our anecdotes illuminate undefined sentiments, spiritually and soulfully evoking…
We go on for days in flirtations and reveal non to the world
We hide in our own cocoons of love and not reveal its mystery
We bubble in our coolest colloquies till the hours of morn, virtually romancing each other
Imagery becomes a greater source of this undefined sentiment, the light goes on the minute we begin the typing going on and on, on this virtual identification
We are camouflaged by happiness arousing our creativity in this commitment of ours.
We explore and identify our similarities thus expanding the horizon of the ignition
So much in common we feel we were bred of the same family,
In wonder and in awe we awaken all the hidden vivid imaginations flooding our minds with so much fantasies we dwell on the unmistakably paradise of our own and continue with our own discoveries
Don’t dare to put of the light, we live on an ignition of hidden anecdotes.
Pride killed our love…
In the mystery of all the bound that compelled us to be,
We were too afraid of the “what if’s”
We hurdled in the compelling thoughts of our own insecurities
Clouded by the conscience of never wanting a repeat of events
The love most feared by those who have given it all
We danced to the distancing sounds of our heart beats never
Giving it a thought to make out what used to be
We excused it to the guilt and our self justification of never being enough
Neglected all the standing of our most pain inflected hearts
Oh but then we went around in circles not committing to our promise-never to leave each other
We danced around in circles of romantic repertoires
Indirectly inhibiting the thought “I want you back” pulling back to our own selfishness
The nature that is so distinct to the fragile heart that needs attention
It was then our pride that pulled us back, why we were so afraid to love,
We were stuck in self indulgence and non of it mattered, conceit swallowed
The potential to share a part of ourselves to the ones who mattered most…
We were too afraid of the “what if’s”…
We are dissemblers of love.
We feign to the human form like happy souls…
With our hearts we play loud symphonies while with our tongues and minds destroy the true eminence of those we love.
Passion deprived, we congeal our lack of affection and continue destroy worthy soul
With our hearts we are treacherous; we bite into the heart and leave it bleeding
We carry the blood stains and wear them to the proximity of our ruined temperaments…
Ahhh, our regulation inhibits something we are so fearful to express…the love we always preach to be Godly but appears to destroy us who once believed in its purest form.
In any dismissive nature we populate in us the false hope that maybe, just maybe it exists, and we are not to blame cupid for throwing us the arrow to pierce our own hearts.
In any way we have cultured ourselves to disappear with the original pure form of our hearts.